Cancer Story - Mary
I help because Maggie’s helped –
from a cancer patient to a survivor to a carer
Cancer lingered a little longer in Mary’s life after her own recovery: in six years’ time she went from a patient herself to a survivor to a patient’s carer, until losing her father to cancer last December. She tells us how she dealt with cancer at different stages, and why she returns to Maggie’s now to volunteer as a Befriender.
As soon as I was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago in my thirties, I knew I needed emotional support and was grateful to have found Maggie’s. My cancer experience and road to recovery was made much easier through support from the team of professionals at the Centre and a variety of programmes there, as I know there’s always someone who would listen, understand and give me sound advice, and that I was not alone.
I wanted to give back after my recovery, to the best of my ability, just like how Maggie’s has helped me. I therefore signed up for their Befrienders Programme where I learnt effective communication skills for sharing my cancer experience – from the perspective of a patient and then a survivor – with newly diagnosed peer patients as they walk through Maggie’s door. The big round table at the Centre is where I have witnessed and participated in many heart-to-heart conversations among Centre users old and new. I thought I was helping others by offering an open ear and helping hand of some sort, but turned out this experience has empowered me to be better for myself, and I could not have otherwise imagined a life after cancer to be so fruitful.
But our family wasn’t done with cancer yet – my father’s diagnosis two years ago was devastating and heartbreaking enough for my mother and me; what’s worse was he was reluctant to open up to us and refused to be treated. One of our fellow Maggie’s Befrienders, a colorectal cancer patient of similar age and background as my father, offered to talk to him and something magical happened – after a few visits my father was comfortable to talk about his feelings and started considering different treatment options. I could not thank the Maggie’s Centre ‘family’ enough for improving the landscape of my father’s cancer journey, as well as for being there for me when I went through anxiety and emotional distress as a carer.
I wasn’t all ready to lose him to cancer (as if you can ever be prepared for this kind of thing) but my mother and I held ourselves together when he returned to the arms of an angel last December. I still miss him so – and more than ever as I listened to Eddie Fisher’s Oh! My PaPa over the first Fathers’ Day without him – but I’ve learnt to find hope in the midst of grief and let people in to help.
Because I’ve experienced cancer in different capacities, I have come to understand more thoroughly, through first-hand experience, the importance of the holistic approach of cancer support services Maggie’s offers. Nobody should face cancer alone, be they patients, family members or carers of one. And that’s why I’m continuing to volunteer to help, for as long as I can and as much as I can as Maggie’s has helped me.