Cancer Story - Siu Fai
With cancer, we could feel at times words are inadequate. We often see patients struggling to talk about it with their family and friends – and vice versa – be it about the pain, fear or worry. This is where Maggie’s Centre’s Befrienders come in: a Befriender at Maggie’s is someone who had experienced cancer, and who has received training with our social workers to provide support and companionship to other centre users. Siu Fai, one of our Befrienders who was diagnosed with colorectal cancer, has always been able to make conversations with people from all walks of life effortlessly. Having reached his seventies, Siu Fai still feels young at heart – and looks young too, with a collection of his favourite camouflage-print shirts you can often found him in. Read on to find out more about Siu Fai’s story at Maggie’s as a Befriender.
Just as Siu Fai reached retirement age and began to make plans with his family, he was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. Cancer cells were found in 10 out of 21 examination samples in his lymph node biopsy, and surgery and chemotherapy were scheduled right away at Tuen Mun Hospital. He met some fellow patients there who highly recommended him visit Maggie’s Centre, which was right next to the hospitals’ clinical oncology department building. Till today Siu Fai remembers vividly the sense of relief he felt the very moment he stepped into Maggie’s, from the shock and despair after diagnosis: the spacious Centre, gentle sunbeams, friendly faces… After his diagnosis he had been hesitant to go into too much detail about his cancer with his family, but at Maggie’s he was comfortable talking to Befrienders who had been through similar experiences if not the same, be it about treatments, side effects, physical and emotional adjustments etc. Since then Siu Fai visits Maggie’s Centre often and after his recovery, he decided to join the Befrienders Training Programme to help the others just like he was helped. In the training programme Maggie’s social workers shared advices and tips on effective communications, skills that Befrienders can apply to their conversations with other patients and visitors – to show greater sincerity, respect, and empathy.
Men tend to be reluctant to talk about their cancer and feelings, so when one of Maggie’s Centre users was struggling with her dad – who had just been diagnosed with brain cancer but refused to talk about it at home – Siu Fai, who regularly joins Maggie’s Men Support Group, volunteered to initiate a “men’s talk”. After he knew he could find her father sitting in the hospital waiting area 8am every day for chemotherapy, Siu Fai decides to get there an hour before he does. “He has got to say something back to me after a few hellos hasn’t he?” he thought. After three mornings’ effort in a row, the father finally responded to the friendly stranger. The men’s talk went on a few more times and the Centre user couldn’t be more grateful to Siu Fai, as she gradually saw baby steps her father took to open up with her and her mother.
Farewells and goodbyes are inevitable sometimes though, and it is especially heart-breaking for Siu Fai to see when they happen in young families, as he volunteers at the hospital and other organisations. “No one knows what’s coming next, and after all cancer may or may not take your life away. Just remember every day is a blessing and it’s your choice to live it to the fullest,” Siu Fai remains hopeful. Earlier on, some students from nursing school visited Maggie’s Centre and Siu Fai shared his cancer experience with them. He called them “patients’ guardian angels” and confessed, “Truth is no one would scream and cry if not in severe pain. Please bear with our grumpiness – we know your job isn’t easy and never meant to make it any harder.” Siu Fai’s sharing was a powerful testimony but his humble wish was for it to be a reminder to the nursing students, on days they feel discouraged as they embark on their career journeys, to remember why they started.
Today Siu Fai is still battling his relapse, but he thinks he has found the key to happiness. “Make someone happy and I’m the happiest man. It is true when they say you’re more blessed to give than to receive,” he added. Last year he won two Disneyland tickets from a lucky draw and planned on bringing his grandson. Another Centre user asked if she could have one of the tickets, and Siu Fai generously passed both to her. To him Maggie’s Centre is his second home, and other fellow Centre users his family. As he looks ahead, Siu Fai has learnt to let go of unnecessary worry and anxiety. He has faith his illness is well taken care of by health professionals as that is their expertise; his, on the other hand, is to commit to continue bringing joy and support to other patients.